Today my youngest sibling became a teenager. It seems almost impossible to believe that the kid who was born my sophomore year at BYU is this old. He just turned a "3" number, which means that in less than 6 months, I will also turn a "3" number. (My mom used to be included in this number same-ness- on her next birthday she also would have turned a "3"-- as we're all 20 years apart.) We threw a "Fear Factor" party that turned out super well (pictures to come) and was so fun! The boys all had better reactions to their challenges than I imagined (i.e. when confronted with a huge, ugly cow tongue to lick or a pickled pig's foot to bite or chew a jalapeno for 5 seconds before spitting it out). Will had a blast and boy, did that kid make out well on the present front!
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Not going to lie- today, well this week, has been a hard one. Tomorrow will be one month since the funeral and yet it seems like forever and at the same time just the other day. I really don't like this. I feel so selfish because I don't feel like I can possibly give everyone enough attention that I'm supposed to (students, Beehives, siblings, boyfriend, etc.) when I'm hurting so much and my instinct is to just curl up and heal before worrying about everyone else. I do care about everyone but I feel so tethered to my feelings that I can't let go and be there for everyone the way I would like to. I always forget how dehydrated crying will make you when you do it every single day for a week.
1 comment:
Your instincts are onto something. I know you can't just ignore everyone, though. It could be helpful to talk to your Bishop, maybe get a blessing from Mike or someone, or to totally ignore this and all other "helpful advice." Just to get through this hardest part in one piece. That's all anyone can ask.
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