*********************
Boyfriend. SO GOOD! We've had some amazing bonding moments this summer and I've learned that giving up some of my independence isn't so bad and is really helpful for the relationship. I'm learning patience as I wait for somethings to happen.
Boyfriend's kids. They love me! They miss me when I don't see them too much. They now eat anything I give them for dinner-- amazing!! Even quinoa and fettuccine alfredo.
*********************
Roommate. My old roommate moved back in and it's fun having someone here again. Having a renter doesn't hurt, either!
*********************
Sister going to Homecoming and needs a dress. This used to be Mom's job, now it's mine I suppose.
Brother turning 13 next week. Celebrating birthdays used to be Mom's job, now it's mine, I guess.
Sisters text me with their random moments of the day that used to go to Mom.
*********************
I feel like I'm barely holding my head up above the water that seems to continually swirl around me with increasing intensity. Sometimes I feel like everyone expects that I'm "done grieving" but I'm not. Some days, I have to stay in the hall for a few minutes after the bell so that they kids don't see my tears. Sometimes I go to an aunt's house to cry with her. Sometimes, I make BF's shirt soaking wet and he lets me cry for as long as I need. Sometime, I'm ok and I get through the day and am happy; then, I want to call Mom and talk to her and I remember that that's not allowed anymore. And I cry.
*********************
3 comments:
People expect you to be done grieving after a few weeks?!?! Give yourself permission (not that you wait for others' permission to begin with) to take as much time as you need. It's one thing to lose your mom when she's ninety and a widow and ready to go (not to diminish that, but you know what I mean). This is totally different and, as much as it stinks, it's going to take awhile (months, at least). If you want to talk to your mom, go ahead whenever you're alone in the car or wherever. It's not crazy. I'm not convinced she's so gone that she won't hear you anyway. Crying is allowed! I'm so glad you have a boyfriend who understands that, and all those sisters, too. Take it easy when you can (I know, "yeah, right") and know there are dozens of people thinking of you and the load you carry.
Just so you know the VanKomen family continues to be in my prayers. Grieving is a process, I'm glad to hear you are letting your self go through it... cry as often and as much as you need... What you went through and are going through is a life changer. I'm surprised to hear people think you should be done grieving.
Adrienne, I hope you don't mind, but I'm still following your blog. I love the way you express yourself with words. My dad died going on 12 years ago and it's still hard at times. It took us a good couple of years before we had strength enough to go through his things. I don't think one is ever done grieving, especially when events throughout life trigger memories. It does get easier to live day-to-day, but there will always be that missing piece in your heart. I do have more compassion and understanding when someone else experiences loss; that's been a good thing.
Post a Comment