thoughts...

Last Sunday the southern end of the Salt Lake Valley had Regional Conference presided over by Elder Bednar. He gave a 45 minute talk that was, in a word, magnificent! (I found out today that someone in my ward called Elder Bednar's office to get a copy of the talk and learned that he had spoken only by inspiration and there is no printed talk.) He talked about how we need to learn about the character of the Savior and then quoted some examples of how the Savior acted in trying circumstances.

After his 40 days and nights of fasting and after being tempted, Christ called for angels-- not for Himself, but for His cousin, John, who was at the time, imprisoned. At the Last Supper, knowing that he was going to be put to death that night, He prayed, not for Himself, but for the disciples. At the Garden, going through the beginning of the Atonement, He prayed for the disciples again that they would be strong. After the experience at the Garden and bleeding from every pore, he healed the guard's ear, as he was in the process of being betrayed. On the cross, he comforted the men who were being crucified beside Him and prayed for the guards who had done the horrible act.

Elder Bednar made the point that in all of these situations, the Savior was the one suffering the most. He was the one who truly needed help or deserved compassion, and yet He was thinking of others, who were going through difficulties, but none that measured up to what He was going through.

This simple statement about the character of Christ has made a huge impact on me. It's sort of hard to describe, but I feel more at peace with my life and I have more confidence that it's going to be alright.

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Tuesday, after I found that Hilary Weeks song, I listened to it as I did some things and then I watched it. When I saw the kids holding the sign that said, "Lost a loved one to cancer" I lost it and had a major "Mom Moment" as I know call them but  maybe "Mom Meltdown" is a better descriptor as I think I ended up crying for the next three hours. At one point I called the poor boyfriend at midnight who listened to me cry and talk and sob and cry for about half an hour and then I ended up crying myself to sleep after another hour or so. In the process of being curled up in my bed sobbing into my pillows, I imagined my mom being by the side of my bed rubbing my arm to comfort me.

I'm reading the book, The Life Beyond by Robert Millet and Joseph Fielding McConkie, and they quoted Joseph F. Smith, "... our fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given to them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bring from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh... I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. We can not forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory... I claim that we live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever.