still engaged in doing stuff

With 20 days to go until we get married, I'm sort of wishing I would have had the guts to just elope! But, I wanted the experience of being engaged and planning and finally having the liberty to think about a wedding with it actually being real.

Invitations are out. (If you didn't get on and would like one, please send me  your address: vankomena@gmail.com)
The dress is bought and should be here by Tuesday. (I found the perfect dress in a store but the warehouse couldn't send it in time and the store wouldn't sell me their floor copy, so I found the exact dress on-line for more that 50% less)
Moving is starting in slow doses-- as in, every time I go to M's house, I take a backseat or trunk full of stuff-- but I will be officially moved in two weeks.
Plates, cups, napkins, etc are all stored in the pantry or laundry room waiting for use.
H's dress is here and is really pretty.

Still to do: get suits for M and B. plan out food for the open house and make/buy it. plant flowers in the backyard where we're doing the open house. finish the refinance on my mortgage. move. finish up decor for open house. get marriage license. get temple recommends for living ordinances. meet with our sealer (he's my home teacher and wants to have a little sit down to talk before the big day. I've told him his best home teaching visit will be when he gets to seal me to M on August 4).

What surprises me the most is how we're choosing to spend less time together, on purpose. We now say things at 8:30pm like, "I love you so I'm going to leave/kick you out now." I am also surprised at how even after 20 months of being together, he still surprises me and I find something new to love about him. For example, yesterday, my contact started bothering me really bad and so we left Ikea midshopping, and he had me pull out my contact (he was driving) and then when that didn't help, he pulled over into a deserted parking lot and looked at it. He ended up getting me outside of the car so he could wash it out with purified water. I couldn't keep my eye open since it hurt and then looking at him standing there, bemused, with a bottle of water in his hand, made me laugh and I couldn't follow directions. Eventually, we got some water in my eye (it was bottled water, don't worry) and it started to feel better, but we had a good laugh. He teased me about how I can run a marathon, get poked and prodded and pricked and not cry, get the bottom of my foot scraped off (that's another story for another day) multiple times and not let it bother me, but I couldn't let him help my eye... we just laughed and laughed.

What is the most annoying (even more annoying than when we were "just dating") is that stuff is at both houses and never where we actually need it! I think it's more annoying because now I know it should all be together, but it's not. For example, Friday, I was watching H and we wanted to make a cake Amelia Bedelia makes in the book. We started the day off at my house where I grabbed the vinegar and cocoa since it's not at M's house. We got to M's house and he didn't have a cake pan or powdered sugar so we had to borrow a pan from a neighbor and forgo making frosting. Argh! I have both items at my house but forgot they weren't at his. One day, we will always have all the stuff in one place! Also annoying is how I'm starting to pick up "the mom chores" over at their house while leaving the same ones for myself... I ran out of clothes this week because I was watching the kids all week and never at my house... but all of their clothes were done. I'm really excited for when I can do my clothes and their clothes all at the same time!


I think the worse part about this whole being engaged, planning a wedding thing, is that I think about my mom almost constantly. My craving for her was starting to subside ever so slightly but now I think about her and wish I could just call her and get advice and encouragement pretty much all the time. I need advice on how to be a mom to a moody 9 year old boy and a precocious 5 year old girl; how to set up a laundry schedule for 4 people; how to spend money wisely at Costco/Sam's... I get that I can find all this advice from Pinterest or the internet, but sometimes, getting motherly advice is so much more personal and nice. I've also realized in the last month or so that I've been engaged and getting volunteers to help me with stuff, that no one actually cares about as much as your own mom. I feel bad taking the volunteers because everyone I know has really busy lives and their own kids and problems and I'm just some half-orphan that should be a grown-up and be able to plan a party on her own! Poor M. I've cried more in the last little bit than I have for a few months and the only thing he can really do is let me soak his shirt one more time and reassure me that he loves me. I was gathering photos for the traditional wedding video and found a bunch of my parents when they were engaged and on their wedding day. Totally made me cry. I keep telling M that if I cry on our wedding day, it won't be because I won't be happy, because I will be, it's just because for the rest of my life, every happy moment will be slightly bittersweet because my mom won't be here to share it. I know, I know, she'll be there in spirit. I know. But, as nice as everyone feels to remind me of that, I'd prefer if she were here in person.