sometimes it take a while

Dying is an interesting process.

Little by little, the body starts shutting down and the jobs that all the organs have performed for a person's entire life slowly fade out. As the organs stop working, a person feel pain- as if they are protesting the loss of their jobs and knowledge they aren't being replaced.

In Mom's case, because she was so gosh darn healthy her whole life, the only thing wrong with her is the cancer and so her heart is still going strong. Her body is "eating" itself since it gets no outside nutrition and subsequently moved onto fat and now has moved onto muscle. Everyday she gets smaller as her muscle deteriorates, leaving her with zero energy.

She is on a constant stream of morphine to keep her comfortable and she has finally learned to just be honest about the pain she feels. Her pain tolerance is as high as Mt. Olympus but she's had to admit that she can't handle it all the time and needs the meds she would rather do without.

It's so hard because she is restless and wakes up wondering why she's still here and yet, she's still here. The nurse says that gradually, her periods of waking will decrease and she'll be barely conscious when she does wake up, and then one time, she just won't wake up. We're all praying that she'll go peacefully in her sleep and that Grandma and Grandpa will be there to meet her.